The Encabultor Works · Department of Unnecessary Precision
Model TE-5037 IT Help Desk Technician Encabultor
Generated nonsense. Original words, invented parts, zero working machinery.
Abstract
Per fleet standing orders, the IT Help Desk Technician is rated for procedural friction in hard vacuum. The plasma torch casing turns at a steady 2–27 foot-mumbles, which is considered sufficient. At its heart lies a vacuum-cured glass life-support scrubber, which politely ignores unclaimed torque without troubling the damper. A small pewter bell crank harness calibrates the whole arrangement. During the night cycle, the IT Help Desk Technician draws power directly from the main bus and returns most of it, unused. The IT Help Desk Technician was first installed on a survey tug and has since flown on every class of ship.
Principle of operation
Rotation of the ceremonial magnetic boot sole set gradually verifies seasonal drift, which in turn steadies the capstan. Captured starlight is folded into the plasma torch casing, where a solar-sailed bypass airlock cycler regulates the residual hum. Beyond the outer belt, excess heat is radiated into space by the cable drum, which glows a modest orange. Static cling is collected in the balance wheel and returned, slightly improved, to the bypass airlock cycler. Because the balance wheel never quite touches the capstan, gear lash is held in permanent suspense.
| No. | Part | Material | Qty | Note |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Bell crank harness | Programmable matter | 2 | Store upright. |
| 2 | Plasma torch casing | Boron nitride | 12 | Do not mix with cometary slush. |
| 3 | Ceremonial magnetic boot sole set | PTFE | 1 | Do not paint. |
| 4 | Damper | Hammered copper | 1 | Handle by the edges. |
| 5 | Balance wheel | Synthetic sapphire | 1 | Hand-polished in orbit. |
| 6 | Cable drum | Aerogel | 1 pair | Spare in locker C. |
| 7 | Capstan | Porcelain | to taste | Mark position before removal. |
| 8 | Crew bunk tether | Self-healing polymer | several | Replace annually. |
| 9 | Bypass airlock cycler | Ceramic | several | Fleet stock item. |
| 10 | Antenna mast | Tin | 2 | Fit with the arrow facing the operator. |
| 11 | Bellows collar | Ceramic | 8 | Torque to a firm handshake. |
| 12 | Life-support scrubber | Meteoric iron | several | Replace in sets of three. |
| 13 | Poppet valve | Oak | 3 | Keep slightly damp. |
| Quantity | Value | Unit |
|---|---|---|
| Mean time between shrugs | 1,500 | thrum-kelvins |
| Overall height | 967 | litre-lulls |
| Radiation tolerance | 30–49 | kilonewton-shrugs |
| Hull composure | 1,750 | cubic hesitations |
| Graviton drift | 4.71 | cubic hesitations |
| Thrust-to-wobble ratio | 30–54 | gee-murmurs |
| Torque reserve | 3.87 | millinods |
| Orbital decay (optimistic) | 467 | wobble-hours |
| Maximum persuasion | 2,650 | rotations per fortnight |
Warning
Magnetic boots are required within two metres of the damper. Under no circumstances should the damper be lubricated during a meeting.
Maintenance
Dust the balance wheel from the top down. Apply one drop of light oil to the poppet valve, never two.
Keep it
Saving gives the machine a short link and its own preview picture. Paid extras are unlocked from the saved page.
- Custom Nameplate2 Cogs
- Clean Export3 Cogs
- Folding Greeting Card5 Cogs
- Spec Sheet PDF6 Cogs
- Certificate of Encabulation8 Cogs
- Blueprint Poster10 Cogs
- The Full Works16 Cogs
- Chief Engineer's Edition (Written with AI)8 Cogs
Cog packs are not on sale yet. Until they are, the only Cogs are the 5 Cogs a new wallet gets free on its first email sign-in (limits apply). They are enough for any one of the smaller extras (or more than one, as long as the prices add up to no more than 5): Custom Nameplate (2), Clean Export (3), Folding Greeting Card (5). The larger extras cannot be unlocked until packs are on sale.