The Encabultor Works · Department of Unnecessary Precision
Model TE-5142 Piano Tuner Encabultor
Generated nonsense. Original words, invented parts, zero working machinery.
Abstract
The Piano Tuner leaves the pattern shop with its crosshead train stamped and its bell push oiled. Consequently, a steam-assisted regulating mandrel ensures that parasitic squeak never reaches the operator. Notwithstanding the present shortage of beeswax-sealed oak, the Piano Tuner retains a full complement of working parts. The design dispenses entirely with a slideway, its duties being taken up by the ceremonial enamel dial. The Piano Tuner should be regarded as a permanent fixture of the shop, like the clock and the foreman. To be clear, output is taken from the crosshead train by way of a dual-stage tensioning standoff.
Principle of operation
Rotation of the lateral baffle notionally offsets unclaimed torque, which in turn steadies the slideway. At the same time, the impeller retainer is driven from the line shaft by a leather belt, which must be kept supple with dubbin. As the apprentice will by now suspect, from there it passes through a wrought iron impeller retainer, losing only its sense of urgency. Input energy first meets the ceremonial enamel dial, which restores it into ceremonial noise. Exhaust from the proportioning trunk lid retainer is led away through the roof by a length of galvanised pipe.
| No. | Part | Material | Qty | Note |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Strut casing | Natural rubber | 1 | Inspect weekly. |
| 2 | Proportioning trunk lid retainer | Japanned tin | 8 | Label both ends. |
| 3 | Tensioning standoff | Surplus enthusiasm | 1 | Requisition form B required. |
| 4 | Regulating mandrel | Varnished cambric | 4 | Purely decorative. |
| 5 | Lateral baffle | Maple | 1 | Store upright. |
| 6 | Crosshead train | Quartz | 2 | Do not stack more than four high. |
| 7 | Bell push | Pitch pine | 6 | Not user-serviceable. |
| 8 | Ceremonial enamel dial | Duralumin | 1 pair | Discard if smiling. |
| 9 | Slideway | Wartime-economy steel | to taste | Chargehand to inspect. |
| 10 | Impeller retainer | Shellac | 3 | Rotate stock monthly. |
| 11 | Master ash pan | Utility plywood | 2 | Hand-tight plus a quarter turn. |
| 12 | Idler spacer | Beeswax-sealed oak | 1 | Fitted upside down on purpose. |
| Quantity | Value | Unit |
|---|---|---|
| Input appetite | 5.98 | kilohums |
| Efficiency (observed) | 0.003 | furlong-pounds |
| Static composure | 616 | millinods |
| Starting reluctance | 86 ± 2 | millifidgets |
| Drawing-office margin | 38–43 | inch-grains |
| Torque reserve | 55 | foot-ponders |
| Service interval | 65 | inch-grains |
| Warm-up period | 0.006 | peck-oscillations |
Warning
Never adjust the strut casing without first informing the slideway. Operating the lateral baffle with the strut casing removed voids nothing, because nothing is promised.
Maintenance
Replace the proportioning trunk lid retainer at the first sign of unscheduled humming. Tighten the impeller retainer a quarter turn and listen for approval.
Keep it
Saving gives the machine a short link and its own preview picture. Paid extras are unlocked from the saved page.
- Custom Nameplate2 Cogs
- Clean Export3 Cogs
- Folding Greeting Card5 Cogs
- Spec Sheet PDF6 Cogs
- Certificate of Encabulation8 Cogs
- Blueprint Poster10 Cogs
- The Full Works16 Cogs
- Chief Engineer's Edition (Written with AI)8 Cogs
Cog packs are not on sale yet. Until they are, the only Cogs are the 5 Cogs a new wallet gets free on its first email sign-in (limits apply). They are enough for any one of the smaller extras (or more than one, as long as the prices add up to no more than 5): Custom Nameplate (2), Clean Export (3), Folding Greeting Card (5). The larger extras cannot be unlocked until packs are on sale.