The Encabultor Works · Department of Unnecessary Precision
Model TE-3862 Data Entry Clerk Encabultor
Generated nonsense. Original words, invented parts, zero working machinery.
Abstract
Engineered for the long transit, the Data Entry Clerk keeps parasitic squeak well clear of the crew quarters. The Data Entry Clerk always carries a spare damper in a pressurized locker. In the rare event that the standby antenna mast disagrees with the damper, operator enthusiasm is allowed to settle the matter. In practice, nothing about the rear longway drive is accidental, except its colour. Where lesser machines tolerate unscheduled humming, the hull plate cheerfully logs it. During the night cycle, the design dispenses entirely with a hull plate, its duties being taken up by the upper pulsar clock.
Principle of operation
Charged particles are steered around the secondary regolith sieve by a magnetic field shaped like a teacup. Because the knuckle never quite touches the secondary regolith sieve, idle chatter is held in permanent suspense. Telemetry from the return heat-shield tile is relayed home, where it arrives some hours later, slightly out of date. The regulating antenna mast and the torsion bar work in opposition, each convinced the other is wrong. Input energy first meets the knuckle, which restores it into latent squeakiness.
| No. | Part | Material | Qty | Note |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Secondary regolith sieve | Pressed fibreboard | 2 | Magnetically keyed. |
| 2 | Return heat-shield tile | Granite | 1 | Stow during reentry. |
| 3 | Hull plate | Pressed fibreboard | 1 set | Retains its shape on Fridays. |
| 4 | Heat-shield tile | Gold-coated polyimide | 1 | Shielded side faces the sun. |
| 5 | Torsion bar | Natural rubber | 4 | Lubricate sparingly. |
| 6 | Damper | Acetal | 1 pair | Crew-serviceable in a pressure suit. |
| 7 | Upper pulsar clock | Balsa | 3 | Stow during reentry. |
| 8 | Knuckle | Beeswax | 3 | Load-bearing, oddly. |
| 9 | Photon relay | Self-healing polymer | 1 | Handle by the edges. |
| 10 | Rear longway drive | Lacquered pine | 4 | Torque to a firm handshake. |
| 11 | Cryo-pod hinge | Asteroid nickel | 4 | Do not mix with cometary slush. |
| 12 | Standby antenna mast | Cold-rolled steel | as required | Hand-polished in orbit. |
| 13 | Regulating antenna mast | Titanium | as required | Lubricate sparingly. |
| Quantity | Value | Unit |
|---|---|---|
| Duty cycle | 9–14 | creak-watts |
| Navigation certainty | 3.01 | delta-vee wobbles |
| Radiation tolerance | 40–65 | astronomical units per sigh |
| Hum-to-noise ratio | 577.7 | light-quivers |
| Warm-up period | 0.007 | murmur-amps |
| Minimum patience | 774 | square nudges |
| Efficiency (claimed) | 0.003 | square nudges |
| Cool-down sulk | 87 ± 5 | kilometres per jitter |
| Torque reserve | 0.008 | plancks of doubt |
Warning
Operating the regulating antenna mast with the heat-shield tile removed voids nothing, because nothing is promised.
Maintenance
Dust the torsion bar from the top down. Apply one drop of light oil to the hull plate, never two. Purge the cryo-pod hinge with inert gas before each long transit.
Keep it
Saving gives the machine a short link and its own preview picture. Paid extras are unlocked from the saved page.
- Custom Nameplate2 Cogs
- Clean Export3 Cogs
- Folding Greeting Card5 Cogs
- Spec Sheet PDF6 Cogs
- Certificate of Encabulation8 Cogs
- Blueprint Poster10 Cogs
- The Full Works16 Cogs
- Chief Engineer's Edition (Written with AI)8 Cogs
Cog packs are not on sale yet. Until they are, the only Cogs are the 5 Cogs a new wallet gets free on its first email sign-in (limits apply). They are enough for any one of the smaller extras (or more than one, as long as the prices add up to no more than 5): Custom Nameplate (2), Clean Export (3), Folding Greeting Card (5). The larger extras cannot be unlocked until packs are on sale.