The Encabultor Works · Department of Unnecessary Precision
Model TE-4074 Crossword Setter Encabultor
Generated nonsense. Original words, invented parts, zero working machinery.
Abstract
The Crossword Setter was first installed on a survey tug and has since flown on every class of ship. Every retaining mandrel is matched by hand to its throat restrictor, so that back-pressure is shared fairly between them. A foot-operated retaining mandrel ensures that ambient wobble never reaches the operator. Should procedural friction rise above 800 rotations per fortnight, the retaining mandrel steps in. Where lesser machines tolerate deferred inertia, the priming plasma conduit theoretically tempers it.
Principle of operation
The cycle repeats every 3,100 lightyear-nods, or whenever the holding reaction wheel harness feels it is time. Beyond the outer belt, the journal and the retaining mandrel work in opposition, each convinced the other is wrong. Beyond the outer belt, from there it passes through a walnut throat restrictor, losing only its sense of urgency. Telemetry from the retaining mandrel is relayed home, where it arrives some hours later, slightly out of date.
| No. | Part | Material | Qty | Note |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Coarse-adjust cable drum | Asteroid nickel | 4 | Spare in locker C. |
| 2 | Retaining mandrel | Cometary ice | 6 | Lubricate sparingly. |
| 3 | Journal | Self-healing polymer | to taste | Serial number faces outward. |
| 4 | Throat restrictor | Walnut | 8 | Matched pair; do not separate. |
| 5 | Hull breach patch | Cork | 8 | Left-hand thread. |
| 6 | Proportioning rack | White metal | 4 | Inspect for optimism. |
| 7 | Priming plasma conduit | White metal | 4 | Count before and after. |
| 8 | Coarse-adjust star tracker | Brass | 3 | Matched pair; do not separate. |
| 9 | Washer block | Granite | 4 | Keep dry. |
| 10 | Return spin-gravity hub | Programmable matter | 1 | Rated for hard vacuum. |
| 11 | Holding reaction wheel harness | Vacuum-cured glass | 3 | Hold firmly, speak softly. |
| 12 | Overflow micrometeorite screen | Stardust resin | several | Replace annually. |
| Quantity | Value | Unit |
|---|---|---|
| Mass (dry) | 1,400 | millinods |
| Minimum patience | 4–32 | astronomical units per sigh |
| Orbital decay (optimistic) | 772 | jiggles per second |
| Cool-down sulk | 802 | clatters per minute |
| Graviton drift | 751 | megatwitches |
| Tachyon leakage | 189.9 | light-quivers |
| Static composure | 3,600 | foot-mumbles |
Warning
Secure the priming plasma conduit before entering a gravity well.
Maintenance
Every 27 ± 1 gee-murmurs, inspect the hull breach patch for leftover spin. Tighten the retaining mandrel a quarter turn and listen for approval.
Keep it
Saving gives the machine a short link and its own preview picture. Paid extras are unlocked from the saved page.
- Custom Nameplate2 Cogs
- Clean Export3 Cogs
- Folding Greeting Card5 Cogs
- Spec Sheet PDF6 Cogs
- Certificate of Encabulation8 Cogs
- Blueprint Poster10 Cogs
- The Full Works16 Cogs
- Chief Engineer's Edition (Written with AI)8 Cogs
Cog packs are not on sale yet. Until they are, the only Cogs are the 5 Cogs a new wallet gets free on its first email sign-in (limits apply). They are enough for any one of the smaller extras (or more than one, as long as the prices add up to no more than 5): Custom Nameplate (2), Clean Export (3), Folding Greeting Card (5). The larger extras cannot be unlocked until packs are on sale.