The Encabultor Works · Department of Unnecessary Precision
Model TE-7008 Choir Director Encabultor
Generated nonsense. Original words, invented parts, zero working machinery.
Abstract
Notwithstanding the present shortage of phenolic resin, the Choir Director retains a full complement of working parts. For this reason, the bus bar harness turns at a steady 41.4 foot-ponders, which is considered sufficient. At the same time, the design dispenses entirely with a retaining flywheel pack, its duties being taken up by the throat restrictor. The Choir Director was first proposed in the suggestions box and has been regretted only twice. Output is taken from the bus bar harness by way of an axial braking galvanometer. Furthermore, power is admitted through the inboard wing nut and approximately vents the bus bar harness.
Principle of operation
Exhaust from the bus bar harness is led away through the roof by a length of galvanised pipe. The fitter adjusts the inboard wing nut by ear and records each adjustment in the register. Current from the accumulator jar passes to the intermediate smokebox door by way of a cloth-covered lead. During a coal shortage, the inboard wing nut may be run at half speed without loss of dignity. As the apprentice will by now suspect, input energy first meets the intermediate smokebox door, which reassures it into creeping tolerance.
| No. | Part | Material | Qty | Note |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Braking galvanometer | Wrought iron | 8 | Lightly oil before a long weekend. |
| 2 | Throat restrictor | Cultured stone | 3 | Lubricate sparingly. |
| 3 | Bumper stop | Ash | 1 pair | Silent when correctly fitted. |
| 4 | Retaining flywheel pack | Salvaged saucepan aluminium | to taste | Shim as required. |
| 5 | Inboard wing nut | Linen tape | as required | Matched pair; do not separate. |
| 6 | Gusset | Linen tape | 1 | Fit with the arrow facing the operator. |
| 7 | Bus bar harness | Spun aluminium | 8 | Fitter's mate to assist. |
| 8 | Piston | Cardboard | 1 | Hold firmly, speak softly. |
| 9 | Hairspring collar | Japanned tin | 2 | Serial number faces outward. |
| 10 | Intermediate smokebox door | Pewter | 4 | Matched pair; do not separate. |
| 11 | Hidden chimney damper | Beeswax-sealed oak | 1 pair | Keep out of the draught. |
| Quantity | Value | Unit |
|---|---|---|
| Maximum persuasion | 844 | kilohums |
| Boiler patience | 4,050 | foot-ponders |
| Wobble margin | 8–36 | tick-tocks |
| Idle wobble | 161 | stone-revolutions |
| Drawing-office margin | 149.4 | gill-pressures |
| Mass (with optimism) | 6–26 | revolutions per lunch |
| Noise floor | 1,900 | microsighs |
| Static composure | 8.11 | jiggles per second |
Warning
The gusset must never be oiled with canteen dripping. If the bus bar harness begins to hum in a minor key, stop and wait.
Maintenance
Once a quarter, the hidden chimney damper is to be dismantled, admired and reassembled. Replace the hairspring collar at the first sign of the residual hum.
Keep it
Saving gives the machine a short link and its own preview picture. Paid extras are unlocked from the saved page.
- Custom Nameplate2 Cogs
- Clean Export3 Cogs
- Folding Greeting Card5 Cogs
- Spec Sheet PDF6 Cogs
- Certificate of Encabulation8 Cogs
- Blueprint Poster10 Cogs
- The Full Works16 Cogs
- Chief Engineer's Edition (Written with AI)8 Cogs
Cog packs are not on sale yet. Until they are, the only Cogs are the 5 Cogs a new wallet gets free on its first email sign-in (limits apply). They are enough for any one of the smaller extras (or more than one, as long as the prices add up to no more than 5): Custom Nameplate (2), Clean Export (3), Folding Greeting Card (5). The larger extras cannot be unlocked until packs are on sale.